When it comes to relationships, the way two people connect at the beginning often shapes how things unfold later. In an interview with , actor Soha Ali Khan recalled, “Kunal would send me messages saying, ‘(So, what are you doing tonight)?’ And I’d be like, ‘Nothing’, and then he’d say nothing. And I’d be like, ‘What a weirdo, like what does this mean?’ Like, surely you should follow up. But he never followed up.” She admitted she found his approach confusing at first, not knowing how to interpret his silence after reaching out.
She also shared a funny moment about their first outing. “And then once, I think he said, ‘Do you want to go out for ice cream or something. And I was like, I don’t eat ice cream, I eat like fat-free sorbet or something. He was like I don’t think we can be friends because how can you not eat like…” For her, food wasn’t the main way to bond, but for him, it clearly was. “And his is food, so that’s a big hurdle in our relationship. He likes to cook, and he likes to feed, and for me, loving somebody is not feeding them. It’s probably eating their dinner… yeah and all, like I mean, actually like conversing and you know like looking into each other’s eyes and things like that. And he can’t, anyway, he doesn’t. He doesn’t do conversations over dinner. So our first date was over dinner, he didn’t even speak to me because he was too busy eating.”
Gurleen Baruah, existential psychotherapist, tells indianexpress.com, “There’s no single way to read such behaviour because people communicate interest very differently. For some, it’s nervousness or shyness; for others, it may be testing the waters without knowing what they want. Instead of endlessly interpreting, the healthier way is to ask directly or respond with clarity yourself. This reduces assumptions. Overthinking often comes from trying to decode the other’s intent instead of stating your own needs openly.”
Differences in how people show care don’t always have to be a problem, Baruah says; they can be part of what makes a relationship stronger. One person cooking and another talking a lot may , but it’s really about learning to value each other’s “language.”
She adds, “Instead of wishing your partner loved like you do, notice what they are already giving. Then, add small efforts to meet them halfway — like appreciating the meal and making space for words. This balance keeps both partners seen and respected. Relationships aren’t about sameness, but about learning each other’s rhythm and adjusting with care.”
Baruah mentions, “Start by looking inward. If their silence or focus on food feels rejecting, is that tapping an older story—of not being chosen, not being heard? We often read the present through past templates. Before judging the other, separate the signal from the story: what they did vs. what it means to you. Then try a gentle, clean move—name your need without blame (“I enjoy talking about X; can we do that after we order?”), ask a simple clarifying question (“Are you nervous or just hungry?”), and notice the response.”
