Soha Ali Khan vividly recalled childhood food memories on her YouTube podcast with guests, chefs Ranveer Brar and Garima Arora. “I am the worst person when it comes to food. But I saw food as a passion in my father (late cricketing icon Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi). But he only cooked when he wanted to. He really enjoyed …I think he was good at it, too… and he enjoyed eating it. But he didn’t do it very often. Maybe that’s why I saw him being passionate about it,” she said.
While mentioning their “skilled” cook, she also spoke about her mother and veteran actor Sharmila Tagore. “The person who was skilled was Johnny Joe, who was our cook at home and who was very skilled, and for us, food was regimented. Tuesday meant shepherd’s pie followed by caramel custard, but it was like we knew what we were eating on certain days. My mother cooked, I think, out of obligation when we went on holiday, whether she wanted to or not. I didn’t see that in her. I saw she was doing it because she had to.”
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To gain an understanding of these varied perspectives around food, we turned to Delnna Rrajesh, psychotherapist and life coach.
“From a psychology and mental health perspective, the same act can feel completely different depending on whether it comes from choice or compulsion. On the surface, both parents were contributing. The father cooked occasionally, with joy. The mother cooked when required, without necessarily enjoying it. But what a child absorbs is not just the action. It is the emotion behind the action,” she described.
From a human behaviour and emotional intelligence perspective, children are highly sensitive to emotional cues. They may not articulate it, but they deeply register:
*whether something is done with
*whether it is done with pressure
*whether it feels like a choice or a duty
And over time, this shapes their relationship with that activity.
Soha’s reflection about seeing passion in her father’s cooking is significant. “When something is done with genuine interest, it carries energy, presence, and emotional engagement,” she mentioned.
On the other hand, when the same act is done out of obligation, even with love, it can carry fatigue, pressure, and a sense of “I have to”.
“This does not mean the love is absent. It means the experience feels different,” shared Delnna.
For generations, women have been conditioned to express care through . Cooking, caregiving, managing the home — these were not always choices. They were expectations. “From a cultural psychology and relationship perspective, many women have lived in a space where care is equated with duty; rest feels like guilt and saying ‘no’ feels like failure. So even when they show up for their families, it may come from a place of responsibility rather than joy. And children, without consciously knowing it, sense that difference,” elaborated Delnna.
This reflection is not about right or wrong parenting. “It is about awareness,” stressed Delnna.
Small changes in awareness can transform everyday experiences.
*Do fewer things with more presence. “It is better to do one thing joyfully than many things mechanically,” said Delnna.
*Allow children to see choice, not just duty. “Let them experience that care can come from willingness, not just obligation.”
*Share responsibility within the family. “This reduces burnout and brings balance,” reflected Delnna.
*Reconnect with personal joy. “From an emotional healing perspective, when a parent reconnects with their own interests, it naturally reflects in how they show up.”
*Normalise honesty. “It is okay to say, ‘I am tired today’ or ‘Let’s do this differently’. This teaches children emotional awareness.”
It is a mirror for many . “A reminder that what we do matters, but how we feel while doing it matters more. Because in the end, children may not remember every meal. But they will always remember the energy around it.”
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