“Mommy issues” refer to emotional and relationship difficulties based on early interactions with one’s mother or maternal substitute. These dynamics tend to reappear in adulthood as trust deficits, low self-esteem, or unhealthy relationship patterns.
Following are typical expressions, their psychological bases, and ways that therapy may assist as shared by Dr. Ruhi Satija, Consultant Psychiatrist, Counseling Therapist, Mumbai.
Origin: This commonly arises when the mother was absent, inconsistent, or emotionally unavailable. The child learns that love is conditional or unstable.
Solution: Therapy facilitates the development of secure attachments with consistent, empathic interaction between the client and therapist. Therapy modalities such as attachment-focused therapy and inner child work enable clients to process early experiences so that fear diminishes and security increases.
Origin: When love is provided only after good conduct or accomplishment, the child learns to obtain love by satisfying other people’s needs and denying their own.
Solution: Through therapy, clients learn to set limits and accept their inherent value. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) discredits distorted thoughts (“I’m only lovable if I please others”), and assertiveness training assists in establishing healthier interpersonal patterns.
Origin: A manipulative, critical, or emotionally unstable mother may instill lasting mistrust of women or caregivers in general.
Solution: Therapy offers a reparative relationship where trust can be slowly rebuilt. Schema therapy assists in recognizing and changing deeply ingrained patterns, and trauma-informed methods promote emotional safety and openness.
Origin: When a mother is intrusive, dismissive, or emotionally dangerous, a child may grow up with the message that closeness is dangerous.
Solution: Clients in therapy slowly learn to endure vulnerability. Procedures such as emotion-focused therapy (EFT) teach them to acknowledge and ventilate emotions safely, while mindfulness enables self-regulation when uncomfortable about emotions.
Origin: A perfectionist or hypercritical mother commonly leaves a child with a mean internal critic and relentless self-doubt.
Solution: Therapy helps substitute internalized judgment with self-compassion. CBT deconstructs critical inner voices, and self-compassion practice assists clients in cultivating a kinder inner voice.
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