Becoming a mother is often described as life-altering, but what is discussed less openly is the emotional tug-of-war that follows. In past conversations about motherhood, Deepika Padukone has spoken candidly about this transformation. While she has chosen to keep her daughter, Dua, away from the public eye, she has continued to open up about her emotional journey as a new mom.
Recently, she reshared a video on her Instagram Stories that captured a feeling many mothers silently struggle with. The note on the video read: “There… I said it! My toxic trait is loving my child so much that I don’t want anyone else watching them… but I desperately need a break… but I can’t stand being without them… but I also crave 24 hours of silence… but I still want to be with them 24/7.” The sentiment reflects a complex mix of attachment, guilt, longing for rest, and difficulty letting go, even briefly.
Speaking earlier at the summit, she elaborated on how profoundly motherhood has shifted her perspective: “I’m discovering this new life . The minute you’ve had a child, you’re now responsible for another human being, and especially in the way I’ve led my life, it’s been so much about me — leaving home, my ambition, my career, and everything has been about my life and everything that I wanted for myself. And now, suddenly, you’re caring for this person who is dependent on you for everything.” She added, “That person comes before you. I don’t think I’ve found the answer to that yet.”
Psychologist Rasshi Gurnani tells indianexpress.com, “Many new mothers experience guilt because of the psychological shift that happens after childbirth. Hormonal changes heighten emotional sensitivity and protective instincts, strengthening maternal attachment. At the same time, society reinforces the idea of “intensive mothering,” where a good mother is expected to be constantly present and self-sacrificing. This creates cognitive dissonance: a mother may logically understand that rest and shared caregiving are healthy, yet emotionally feel she is failing.”
There is also separation anxiety, Gurnani explains, not just in babies but in mothers, driven by bonding hormones like oxytocin. “For some women, perfectionism and an anxious attachment style can intensify this guilt. Taking time away can unconsciously trigger fears of being replaced or of not being indispensable. Guilt, in this context, is less about neglect and more about the deep psychological investment in protecting and nurturing the child.”
A strong attachment is healthy, Gurnani states, but it becomes unhelpful when it turns into over-identification, where a mother’s entire sense of self revolves around the child. Psychologically, individuation is important for both mother and baby. Maintaining identity, career goals, and personal interests supports self-efficacy and prevents burnout. When , they model emotional regulation and autonomy for their children.
“The key is secure attachment, not constant proximity. Secure attachment allows a child to feel safe even when the mother is temporarily absent. Creating structured routines, reliable caregivers, and predictable transitions reduces anxiety on both sides. Therapy or reflective practices can also help mothers examine beliefs around worth and productivity. When a woman sees herself as a whole person, not only as a caregiver, she is more emotionally available and resilient in the long term,” mentions Gurnani.
Managing this push-and-pull requires both emotional awareness and practical planning. First, normalising ambivalence is crucial. It is psychologically healthy to want closeness and autonomy at the same time.
“Building a trusted support system and involving the partner or family members in caregiving strengthens shared responsibility. Mindfulness techniques can during times apart. Scheduling intentional ‘me time’ rather than spontaneous escape also reduces guilt, as it becomes part of a balanced routine. Finally, self-compassion is essential. Research shows that mothers who practice self-compassion experience lower parental stress and greater emotional regulation, which ultimately benefits both mother and child,” concludes Gurnani.
