Breakups are hard. Best case scenario? There are many tears and fights involved. And if your luck is bad? You can have an ex stalking and hurling abuse at you years after parting ways.
Asmita Joardar, a cybersecurity researcher at the University of Newcastle, used to schedule emails to her partner every morning at 8 am, hoping that he would realise how much she loved him. But in the end, she got two-timed and dumped in the most brutal way. Two years later, now that both of them are married to other people, she catches him sending texts professing his undying love for her. “He has the gall to send stuff like ‘But I still love you very much, I never connected with anyone else as much, you should be with me instead because no one can love you like me,’” she listed, rolling her eyes.
You can be respectful throughout the relationship, but one wrong move after the can forever immortalise you in the group chat as “that ex”. There’s no escaping the curse. Not even if you are an Olympic bronze-winner. When Norwegian athlete Sturla Holm Laegreid won the men’s biathlon competition, he made a surprising revelation in a post-race interview. “Six months ago, I met the love of my life. The world’s most beautiful, sweetest person. And three months ago I made the biggest mistake of my life and cheated on her,” he said on national television, fighting back tears.
Stating that his admission was an attempt to prove to her that he was “not above social suicide” to prove how repentful he was of his actions, Laegreid further admitted that he had been having the “worst few weeks” since losing her. Netizens were not so kind to his actions, tearing him apart in the comment section. From “classic victim card” to “brother, YOU are having the worst few weeks? What about HER??”, his post-breakup etiquette was called into question.
Of all the terrible things to do to someone, Sanjana ghosted and broke up with her former partner after he moved cities to be with her. “I’m not proud of who I was back then,” the -based journalist admitted.
Ashlesha Patwardhan asked someone she met on a WhatsApp group out for a date. “They were lovely but extremely introverted to my extroverted nature. They kept saying a particular boundary matters and did not clarify what that meant,” she told indianexpress.com. Patwardhan started feeling torn in two directions—wanting to know them better while feeling like they were two very incompatible people.
When she and her ex reconnected after 2 years of mutually agreed distance, she found that he had become more social and assertive. “I always used to wish he was more confident and comfortable being himself, and told him how happy it made me. He said he always used to admire my audacity,” the writer and content strategist recalled fondly.
Even when two people call it quits, things need not turn ugly. Sometimes, you can just quietly admire one another’s journeys and offer support and encouragement. People are human, and everyone makes mistakes. And if you have been deeply hurt, sometimes you end up acting in ways you never anticipated. But where to draw the line?
Arouba Kabir, a mental health counsellor and founder of Enso Wellness, said that a breakup is accompanied by a sudden feeling of emptiness and sadness. The emotional experiences are exclusive to every individual, but losing a is such a drastic change in one’s life and routine. After a breakup, the journey to reclaim yourself, relive yourself, and be happy can seem like an uphill climb. And while it is tough, it can become easier by adapting small changes into your daily life,” she said.
Acceptance is key: Start by accepting whatever has happened. Give yourself some time to heal. You will experience emotions such as anger, denial, shock, and sadness. Feel and release each of these emotions. Stop feeling guilty; you’re human, and things happen. Try to keep a positive attitude.
Engage in physical activities: Exercising releases healthy chemicals and feel-good hormones, which can uplift your mood, help you stay calm, and improve your sleep.
Talk it out: Talk to your friends and family, express your emotions and don’t let your thoughts and feelings get stuck inside your mind. When we are upset, we tend to overthink more and end up making scenarios in our heads, thereby blaming ourselves. Connecting with a mental health professional is also advisable.
Pen down your thoughts: Writing about your feelings, emotions, and thoughts every day can help you keep track of whatever has helped you or pulled you down. Notice the patterns and manage your day accordingly, keeping a safe distance from stressors.
