Parenting often involves balancing guidance with allowing children the space to think independently. As children grow older, they gradually develop their own opinions, preferences, and ways of interpreting the world. While this shift can be a healthy part of emotional and , it can also create tension within families. A recent conversation on a podcast with Raj Shamani highlighted this dynamic when actor Arshad Warsi spoke candidly about parent-child relationships.
He said, “We like our children as long as they don’t have an opinion. The moment they have a brain and opinion, we start hating them. Because now they are not listening to you.” He further added, “And the reality is that you are not correcting them. You are trying to show your power as a parent. ‘They are not listening to me’.” He also questioned whether resistance from children may sometimes reflect something deeper, saying, “Maybe you are wrong. That’s why they are not listening.”
His comments raise broader questions about why a child not listening isn’t always disobedience. Many families face these questions: Is a child’s refusal to listen always a sign of disobedience? Can disagreement sometimes be a healthy developmental step? And how can parents distinguish between setting necessary boundaries and expecting unquestioned compliance?
“Yes and no,” reveals Gurleen Baruah, Existential Coach at That Culture Thing. She states that, in general, it can be a healthy sign. “When a child starts expressing opinions, questioning rules, or disagreeing, it may reflect growing independence of thought, a , and feeling safe enough to express a point of view. That is an important part of growth. At the same time, especially during adolescence, it can sometimes come across as immature, reactive, or emotionally charged, but that does not automatically make it disrespectful. The deeper question is whether the child is learning to think for themselves. Growing up involves moving from dependence to greater autonomy, and some tension is naturally part of that process.”
It depends from person to person and family to family. According to Baruah, often, parents are well-intentioned and want the best for their child. But sometimes that can become overcorrecting, overprotecting, or preventing the child from making small mistakes and learning from their own experiences. Unintentionally, this can make a child more dependent rather than independent.
“One sign may be when guidance leaves little room for choice, experimentation, or disagreement. Growth often comes through experience, including failure. The challenge for parents is that love can sometimes make us want certainty and control. But raising a child is also about slowly allowing them to become their own person, separate from us, with their own thoughts, choices, and way of being,” shares the expert.
One way is to treat the child as a person with a mind and opinions of their own, not merely as an extension of “my son” or “my daughter.” Of course, they are your child, but they are also individuals.
“Parents can create accountability while still offering choices and . Help them think through their decisions, understand consequences, and make age-appropriate choices. Sometimes they will make mistakes, and that is part of learning. The role of the parent is to be a safety net, not to constantly say, “I told you so.” Boundaries and discipline still matter, but they work best when paired with respect, dialogue, and trust. This reduces power struggles and helps children feel heard,” concludes Baruah.
