Recently, Nakuul Mehta and Jankee Parekh Mehta sparked an important conversation around parenting and emotional development while speaking on their podcast. Sharing their observations, the couple said, “Parents apne bachon ke baare mei unhi ke saamne baat karte hein. Arey yaar kitna stubborn ho gaya hai, pata nahi isko school mei jaakar kya ho jata hai. Woh height mei bhi thoda chota hai. Aagey chalke theek ho jaayega…”
They further reflected on how these seemingly casual remarks deeply affect children. “Your child is standing right there, and he is not a part of the conversation, but ye sab information — what my parents think of me — is going into his system,” they said. Drawing a parallel with adulthood, the couple added, “As an adult, if someone spoke about you in front of you, and you have no say in it, you have no right to defend yourself… hume lagta hai ki agar mummy ne bola ki woh thoda shy hai isliye hello nai bola, toh haan mai thoda shy hun… and now I behave like that.”
The couple emphasised, “Please don’t do it in front of them because your voice is becoming your child’s voice. So he will grow
So, how exactly do these labels affect a child’s mental health?
According to Dr Aarushi Dewan, Clinical Psychologist, these everyday labels are far more psychologically influential than many parents realise.
“When parents repeatedly label a child as ‘shy’, ‘stubborn’, or ‘weak’ in their presence, children don’t just hear a description, they internalise it as truth about who they are,” says Dr Dewan.
She explains that children naturally view parents as the ultimate authority on reality. “As primary attachment figures, parents serve as the child’s authority on reality. Their words carry authoritative weight,” she says.
Young children are also cognitively wired to absorb adult opinions without questioning them. “Children’s cognitive development makes them egocentric. They accept adult labels as objective facts, not observations,” Dr Dewan explains. This becomes particularly harmful because labels begin to feel permanent. “Unlike emotions like ‘I’m feeling shy right now,’ identity labels like ‘I am shy’ feel irreversible and unchangeable,” she says.
Over time, these labels can turn into self-fulfilling prophecies. “Once a child accepts a label, they begin behaving consistently with it. A ‘shy’ child avoids social situations, reinforcing the label further,” Dr Dewan adds.
Dr Dewan says conversations parents casually have about a child’s appearance, behaviour, or abilities can leave long-term emotional imprints. “A child constantly described as ‘difficult’ learns to expect conflict and rejection. A child who hears ‘you’re ugly when you cry’ learns to suppress emotions,” she explains.
Even labels that sound positive can create pressure. “Telling a child ‘you’re so smart’ may tie their worth entirely to performance. When they eventually struggle or fail, they may feel they’ve lost their value,” Dr Dewan says.
According to her, these early experiences often resurface much later in life. “Adult patients frequently trace anxiety, perfectionism, low confidence, or relationship difficulties
Dr Dewan explains that children rely on parents to understand themselves because they lack an independent framework for identity formation. “Parents become the child’s primary mirror for self-concept,” she says.
She outlines several psychological reasons behind this:
“Even when a label is inaccurate — for instance, calling a child ‘lazy’ when they may actually have undiagnosed ADHD — the child often accepts it as truth,” Dr Dewan explains.
According to her, these internalised labels can influence relationships, confidence, decision-making, and emotional health well into adulthood.
