During a conversation with Raj Shamani, actor Suniel Shetty spoke about an important but often overlooked aspect of caring for ageing parents — being present without taking away their independence. Recalling his decision to live close to his parents while still giving them space, Shetty said: “I didn’t buy a house, I bought a home because it was attached to dad’s and mom’s house, so I wanted to give them their privacy, not because I had a family. Because otherwise, they are always compromising. Dost aate toh woh room chale jaate, that’s a typical parent. I do it today also, Ahaan says Papa, sit down, no, no, Mana and I say, let’s go. So I bought the house opposite, we were connected, yet disconnected.”
Experts say this idea of being close but not intrusive plays a crucial role in the emotional well-being of older adults. According to psychiatrist Dr Pavitra Shankar, Associate Consultant – Psychiatry at Aakash Healthcare, maintaining both proximity and independence is key to healthy ageing.
She explains that ageing parents benefit from having their children nearby, but preserving autonomy is equally important. “A balance between proximity and independence is extremely important for ageing parents,” Dr Shankar said. “Living close to family provides emotional reassurance, practical help during emergencies and opportunities for regular communication.”
However, she emphasised that personal space should never be overlooked.
“Maintaining autonomy allows older adults to retain a sense of control over their daily lives,” Dr Shankar explained. “Independence in later life is closely linked to dignity, self-worth and psychological wellbeing.”
“An arrangement where family members are nearby but boundaries are respected often promotes both emotional safety and healthy ageing,” Dr Shankar added.
According to Dr Shankar, this behaviour is rooted in long-standing psychological patterns formed during years of parenting.
“Many parents develop a self-sacrificing mindset over time because caregiving has been a central part of their identity,” Dr Shankar said. “For years, their focus was on prioritising their children’s needs over their own.”
Over time, this behaviour becomes deeply internalised. “Psychologically, the nurturing and attachment instincts of parents do not disappear with age,” she explained. “Even when children become adults, many parents still feel responsible for their comfort and happiness.”
“In many cultures, including in India, parents are conditioned to put family before themselves,” Dr Shankar noted. “While this reflects deep love and care, families should gently encourage ageing parents to prioritise their own comfort and wellbeing too.”
How the regular presence of children affects emotional well-being “Physical closeness and regular interaction with family members can greatly reduce feelings of loneliness among ageing parents,” Dr Shankar said.
Loneliness is one of the most common psychological challenges in later life. “When older adults know that their loved ones are nearby and accessible, it creates a strong sense of security,” she explained.
“Conversations, shared meals, or joint activities help keep the mind active and reinforce a sense of belonging,” Dr Shankar said. Knowing that family support is available also reduces anxiety.
“For many ageing parents, the reassurance that someone can help during health issues or emergencies provides emotional stability and resilience,” she added.
“Healthy involvement begins with open communication,” Dr Shankar said. “Parents should feel heard and included in decisions about their lifestyle, health and living arrangements.”
Encouraging independence is equally important. “Older adults should be supported in maintaining hobbies, social activities and community engagement because these preserve their individuality,” she explained.
“Families can assist with things like scheduling medical appointments, managing technology or occasional household tasks,” Dr Shankar said. “But it’s important to allow parents to maintain their own routines.”
Respectful support strengthens relationships. “When help is offered in a respectful and collaborative way, ageing parents feel valued rather than dependent,” Dr Shankar added.
