Choreographer and social media personality Zaid Darbar recently reflected on his childhood, revealing how his parents’ separation shaped him from a very young age. Zaid was first introduced to public recognition when his father, music composer Ismail Darbar, received widespread acclaim for his work in films like and . While Ismail’s professional life was flourishing, his personal life was facing turbulence.
In a recent interview with Mirchi Plus, Zaid opened up about the long-term impact of his parents’ divorce, which happened when he was 10. Reflecting on those years, he said, “My childhood has taught me a lot,” and added, “When you are 10, and your parents get separated, and they get married again… Emotionally, we were damaged. Since the age of 12, I have lived alone, alone as in alone.”
He explained that although everyone’s struggles look different, such forces a child to grow up quickly. “I understood at the age of 10 that you have to work hard and you have to make money to manage your household. I understood that you can’t do anything without making money.” He also spoke about taking care of his younger sister when she was just three years old, stepping into responsibilities that are typically handled by adults. To support himself, he began working as a dancer and trainer with a professional dance troupe.
Zaid’s experience highlights the realities of emotional instability and early responsibility that many children of divorce face. To understand how separation, remarriage, and parental conflict affect children long after the legal process ends, we spoke with an expert.
Psychologist Rasshi Gurnani tells indianexpress.com, “Early parental separation, especially when accompanied by conflict or instability, can disrupt a child’s sense of attachment security. From an attachment theory perspective, inconsistent caregiving may lead to anxious or avoidant attachment styles in adulthood. Children may internalise the divorce as abandonment or rejection, impacting self-worth and trust in relationships.”
She adds that chronic stress during formative years can also heighten emotional reactivity, difficulty regulating emotions, and fear of intimacy or loss. “Remarriage can further complicate identity and belonging, particularly if the child feels displaced or emotionally sidelined. Long-term effects may include hyper-independence, commitment anxiety, people-pleasing tendencies, or . However, outcomes vary depending on the presence of at least one stable, emotionally attuned caregiver and access to emotional support during the transition,” notes Gurnani.
Parentification, Gurnani stresses, refers to role reversal: a child assumes caregiving or emotional responsibilities beyond their developmental capacity. “While it can foster resilience and competence, it often comes at the cost of unmet emotional needs. Such children learn to suppress vulnerability and prioritise others’ needs, which can lead to chronic guilt, over-responsibility, and difficulty asking for help in adulthood.”
Early exposure to financial stress can activate a survival-oriented mindset in children, shaping a scarcity-based worldview. When financial security becomes linked to emotional safety, Gurnani says that money “may be internalised as the primary source of control and stability.” This can lead to heightened performance pressure, anxiety around failure, and difficulty separating self-worth from productivity. Children in such environments often develop hypervigilance about resources, even when circumstances improve.
“In adulthood, this may manifest as workaholism, chronic stress, or an inability to feel secure despite financial success. While early financial awareness can cultivate ambition and discipline, it can also create a conditional sense of safety. Long-term well-being depends on whether financial identity is balanced with emotional validation and relational security,” explains Gurnani.
